The new movie Indivisible is indeed one of the best movies on marriage I have ever seen. Depicting the marriage of a military Chaplain and those he serves, this movie speaks hope and belief into all of our marriages. And we all need to be reminded that in the journey of marriage others have been thereand have broken through to the other side.
Marriage isn’t easy. Whether you’ve been married a long time or a short time—you know it’s the truth! No matter how good your marriage is, you and your spouse will go through times of drought. Why? Because your spouse was never meant to satisfy you completely … only Jesus can love perfectly.
Happiness in marriage is not found when both partners are devoted to having the other partner provide all the happiness for them. Jesus must have this foundational position in your marriage. Being a faithful, wise, and loving spouse ultimately relies upon your choice to be faithful to God. When a husband or wife is unlovable or unable to be made happy, the marriage can only survive when you find hope and happiness in God’s strength, power, and glory.
Before you can ever know the deep security and confidence God intends for you to enjoy as a couple, you need to be certain in your heart that your relationship is rooted in a love that will never give up. Good things are possible because a bond exists between you, and God will not let you ignore it. He created the marriage bond—that solemn covenant—to be unbreakable.
It’s this very principle that is foundational in the movie Indivisible. Heather Turner, Chaplain Darren Turner’s wife,demonstrates this foundational truth when she loves her husband home, even in the midst of post-traumatic stress and the profound impact of his deployment. It’s ultimately her love for Jesus and His unconditional love for her that gives her the capacity to stay “all in” when she isn’t getting what she wants in return. The horizontal love between a husband and wife will never ultimately meet our needs. We have to get the vertical relationship right and let the marriage relationship catch the overflow of the love that God has for us as husbands and wives. When Chaplain Turner captures this unmistakable love from Heather, especially when he isn’t meeting her needs, it changes everything. He is humbled. He is convicted. And he can’t do enough to out serve his bride.
So what do you do when you think things have gotten off-track in your relationship? When you feel the love fading?
Remember, love is a choice, not a feeling. You may not currently feel like you’re in love with your spouse, but because of the commitment you once made, you must choose to love and show it by your actions. You will find that the feelings will follow.
But what if you realize you’ve hit a roadblock in your marriage that you can’t get past on your own. You may need someone to step in and help you navigate the journey of healing to repair the damages and hurts in your marriage. A counselor could also be part of your team in helping you work through the rebuilding process. The Turners in Indivisible model this humility and willingness to surrender and reflect: “we need help.”
Whether you serve in the military, are a veteran or are a citizen, like me, when you hit the rough waters seek help. Reach out: first to God and then to your spouse and affirm that your marriage is worth the keeping and that you are all in! If needed, take the next step and allow a trained counselor to come alongside of you and remind you that you are not alone and that God has great plans for your marriage!
It’s easy to love in the good times. But when our marriage comes under intense testing, we still have in our possession what really matters: A love that won’t quit. No matter where our trials take us, we have each other.
Dr. Gary Rosberg
America’s Family Coaches